


Job Hunting Should Be An Extreme Sport

by Ourliazo



Series: A Brief Foray [9]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Arcobaleno Curse, Gen, Reborn Is Very Good At Acting Normal, Sawada Tsunayoshi Is Not Vongola Decimo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 09:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Tsuna needs a job and the café is less than a ten-minute walk from his house. The down side is that the owner is a hitman, but if you ignore the whole murderer thing then it's actually a really good job.





	Job Hunting Should Be An Extreme Sport

**Author's Note:**

> Background: Coffee Shop AU, non-Decimo Tsuna, no Arcobaleno curse, twisted timelines_

There's a coffee shop just down the street from Tsuna's new house, only a couple blocks away. The shops are small along this road, all expensive and garish in their desperate need to be modern and fashionable. Tsuna doesn't understand why ugly means fancy but he supposes they are unique.

Tsuna has been here for a month but he misses Japan so much. He didn't have friends or places he loved to spend time at but at least he could speak the language. He understands that his parents missed each other and that his dad has a really important job here in Italy, but he...he would have liked to...

Tsuna is seventeen years old, he knows better than to complain about things he can't change. He does want to go back to Japan though. He can - maybe - sort of take care of himself alone. They still have the house in Namimori, they're not selling it, so Tsuna can stay there.

Tsuna just has to prove that he can do it and he can convince his parents to let him go home. He knows how to cook because of his mum and he can manage some chores - he's been really trying this past month and he's finally managed a whole load of washing by himself without anything going wrong.

Now he just needs a part-time job. Which is where the coffee shop comes in. It's tucked away between a fancy women's boutique, with only five pieces of clothing strung up on iron bars, and a shop selling really bad hand-made clay creations.

There's no set timing but he has observed some things. The cafe is only open at ten (past the breakfast rush) then closes for a brief period at twelve to two (skipping lunch) before staying open until five (where it once again closes just before people pass by on their way home).

It's perfect, because Tsuna can't speak Italian but he can still gesture at things. As long as not too many people come in, he can handle it - and from his previous stalking attempts, barely anyone goes in.

In fact, the entire place looks unwelcoming. The large front windows are frosted glass to keep anyone from looking in and the door is a massive black metal slab. Tsuna has never been inside because he's always been too scared but he has seen people go in and out, the smell of coffee wafting into the street whenever the door is open.

Tsuna waits outside the store the next day, reaching the place at exactly ten o'clock because he needs to show that he's punctual. He knocks, the metal door doesn't make a sound, and then he tries again on the glass.

Nothing.

He attempts to open the door but either it's really heavy or it's locked. Tsuna waits and ten minutes go by. He tries the door again, checks his phone to see if it's a public holiday and then settles against the glass to wait some more.

Another ten minutes.

He knocks again, louder and longer. He awkwardly peers into the store with the ugly pots but gets too scared to ask if the lady there knows the cafe owner.

Another ten minutes.

Tsuna checks his watch, reads over his resume again, purses his lips and wonders if he should leave. The owner could be stuck in traffic? Maybe they have a family emergency?

Or maybe as soon as Tsuna leaves the owner will finally come by. He's been waiting a while, surely the owner will show up soon.

Another ten minutes.

Tsuna sits down on the front step of the cafe and hugs his knees.

Another ten minutes...

Tsuna startles awake, jerking up from leaning against the glass when a shoe digs into his side. He scrambles to his feet and peers up at the tall man standing beside him.

The man is whipcord thin, dressed in a pristine black suit with a pure white shirt and deep red tie. An equally dark red ribbon is wrapped around a fedora, tipped low over black eyes. Two locks of hair curl up from in front of his ears to brush against his sharp jawline and better frame that daunting stare.

" _If you're going to die, don't do it here,"_  the man deadpans as he pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the cafe.

Retreat! Tsuna shrieks mentally. He recognises about two of those words, this is not good. Abort the mission! There are other jobs, just run you fool! He shakes it off determinedly.  _"Um, ex-excuse me, sir?"_  he stutters in thickly accented Italian.

" _No, I don't give autographs,"_  the man drawls, pushing open the door and stepping inside.

The inside is cosy, all dark wood and plush velvet or clean leather armchairs. The frosted glass lets in more than enough natural light and reflects off the large mirror, hanging up over the wall opposite to the front door, right where the menu should be.

There's a clean glass display case stretched out in front of the mirrored wall, filled with small bags of coffee beans, all different kinds. Behind the display, pressed along the mirror, is a black marble counter with complex machinery that Tsuna vaguely recognises as coffee machines. There is also an open door leading to a small kitchen from what Tsuna can see.

" _Can I help you?"_  the man asks, coming to a stop in front of one coffee machine. He doesn't even look at Tsuna, just pulls out a small bag of beans from the display and then starts making something Tsuna can't recognise.

Tsuna laughs nervously as he follows the man inside and hovers over the display.  _"Ah, I - you...yours? Yours shop?"_

" _I actually broke in here for the coffee."_

Tsuna blinks, not sure how to continue the conversation with his awful Italian. Oh this was such a bad idea.

The man moves around the place with ease and soon emerges from behind the display with a strong-smelling coffee (espresso?) in his hands. He sits down on a forest green armchair and sips his drink contently as Tsuna follows the man's path like a lost duckling and then hovers awkwardly a couple paces away.

" _Why are you still here?"_  the man muses.

Tsuna refrains from trying to communicate, instead taking his resume out and keeping it in front of his chest defensively. The man holds out a hand for it and Tsuna passes it over. The owner unfolds the paper and raises an eyebrow.

Tsuna used Google translate on it, plus it was probably shit in the first place, so Tsuna is hoping that pity will get him somewhere.

The man places the paper down on the low table in front of him and turns to pin Tsuna with a stare. "From your name I assume you're Japanese?" he asks, switching languages.

"Japanese!" Tsuna explodes but then quickly pulls back into himself even though he's so happy he's about to cry. "Y-yes, I speak Japanese."

"Why did you give me a CV?"

Tsuna takes a deep breath. Tsuna, you can do it! "I was wondering if you had a position open-?"

"I'm going to stop you right there," the man begins. "Is your father Sawada Iemitsu?"

"Yes?" Tsuna hedges.

"Does he know where you are right now?" the owner continues.

Tsuna makes a vaguely agreeable noise. His parents don't know he's trying to get a job, he's only going to tell them when he has enough money to support himself for at least a month.

The smirk that crawls over the owner's lips is terrifying. "You're hired. Congratulations!"

Tsuna blinks. "Really?"

"Really," the owner purrs. "My name is Reborn, the world's greatest-" There's a pause. "-coffee maker."

"My name is Tsuna," Tsuna greets with a bow. "Nice to meet you and thank you very much for the opportunity."

"No, thank  _you_ , Tuna," Reborn chuckles. "This will be fun."

"I-it's Tsuna. Tsu."

"That's what I said," Reborn dismisses. He puts down his coffee mug on the table and stands up gracefully. "Come along, Tina, let me show you around."

* * *

Tsuna unlocks the metal door the next day, ten on the dot. Reborn just flung a spare key at Tsuna yesterday without a moment's hesitation, in between comments about killing the last person to touch the owner's coffee beans and musings on buying a cash register.

When Tsuna finally manages to force the heavy metal door open he finds a frilly orange apron resting on the display with a little card stating that it's the cafe's uniform.

Tsuna puts it on because he really needs this job. Tsuna has been told -threatened- several times to not touch anything related to coffee, so instead he goes to the back room to drop his backpack off and once again familiarise himself with everything.

He's never worked in a cafe before, there's still no cash register in sight, and Reborn's late again, so he does his best to distract himself instead of freaking out about the possibility of a customer.

Reborn interrogated Tsuna about his entire life after the little tour of the shop and Tsuna ended up stuttering through it for two hours. In that time no one entered the store so Tsuna is hoping for the same today.

There's equipment in the back room like cakes and biscuits could be made but there's no recipes or ingredients. If no one comes in then it's understandable that Reborn doesn't bother making anything. Tsuna thinks that people just don't know about the café – there's nothing denoting it as a coffee shop from the outside.

Tsuna moves back behind the display and waits there. Reborn told him to bring something like a laptop to entertain himself with but that's unprofessional and this is Tsuna's first job.

Tsuna cracks after an hour.

Reborn strolls in another hour after with an orange ribbon on his hat this time and a large shopping bag in hand. The owner immediately makes himself some coffee. "You don't have to put it away."

Tsuna has already closed his laptop and is in the process of stuffing it back into his bag.

"Over there," Reborn demands, gesturing imperiously at the bag he put on the display. "It's a cash register. You can play with it."

Tsuna pulls out a large box as Reborn moves back to his -seemingly favourite- green chair. Tsuna fumbles around with the things, a flat adjustable screen with a heavy base that people order from and another flat screen that's wall mountable which is supposed to show the orders to the other staff. There's no other staff so it's not really needed but it is fun to play with.

"Um," Tsuna begins. He's a lot more at ease after the hours long conversation yesterday, but he's still a bit nervous because today is a new day and he still hasn't acclimated to Reborn's presence again yet. "Quick question...what do we sell?"

"Coffee," Reborn says simply.

"I'm not allowed to touch the coffee."

"Correct. Good boy."

Tsuna flushes a little. "So what do I serve the customers?"

"There are no customers."

Tsuna looks around the empty room. "True. But when they do come in-"

"They'll never come in," Reborn interrupts. "If someone comes in, you tell them we're closed."

* * *

Reborn is the most insane man Tsuna has ever met.

The owner dresses up in weird costumes, goes on tangents where he lectures Tsuna on proper Mafia etiquette, complains a lot about someone called Skull, plus starts the most random challenges where people on the street get dragged into the store and have to participate in some Jigsaw-like game show for his entertainment.

And then the next day Reborn will be back to the same suave, handsome man Tsuna first met like the owner isn't hiding a full fucking freak show in that head of his.

Tsuna has no time to worry about anything else, not even about starting high school here, because he's just trying  _so hard_  to keep Reborn's destruction to a minimum. The only thing that keeps Tsuna going back in those first few weeks is because people will  _literally die_  if he's not there to stop it.

Maybe Tsuna should have gone to the police, but he really needs this job damn it.

Eventually, after the eighth time Reborn shoots someone in the face -and then the person gets up immediately and runs away- it occurs to Tsuna that everything is scripted in some manner. It looks like Reborn is just making things up as he goes along but no one ever gets hurt, any damage or random constructions are cleared away the day after, and no one even questions the noises coming from the cafe.

Tsuna calms down a lot after he realises this, though he's by no means okay with any of the insanity. Reborn pouts a bit when Tsuna stops giving such intense reactions of horror to everything he does.

Tsuna very quickly falls into a pattern.

It helps a lot that they spend hours together. Sometimes Reborn doesn't show up the whole day, other times he's there from open to close. If he's not there, Tsuna is infinitely bored so he ends up baking since there's literally nothing else to do – I mean there's only so much anime he can watch before he can guess the episode plot in the opening two minutes.

Reborn usually orders takeout to feed Tsuna or maybe they'll just lock up and go to a restaurant nearby, but when Tsuna starts baking, Reborn has him make lunch as well. The back room has a small kitchen so it's easy and Reborn likes it so Tsuna is happy to cook.

Tsuna has also gotten used to Reborn resting a chin on top of his fluffy brown hair so the owner can watch whatever Tsuna is doing on the laptop. This is mostly when Tsuna is trying to do homework and Reborn has to pitch in every other question so Tsuna doesn't fail the entire worksheet. The owner is often insulting when he does this but he sounds so lazy and half-hearted about it that Tsuna can't take him seriously.

Reborn ends up being a weird mix between boss, tutor and bully. It's not entirely awful.

* * *

An actual customer arrives about two months into Tsuna's job. Tsuna jerks upright and slams the laptop lid down. He scrambles off the bar stool he was sitting on, kicking it away into the back room, and then pastes on a smile as he smooths out his frilly orange apron.

Reborn isn't here.

Oh God, what does Tsuna do?

The customer swaggers up to the display and peers down at Tsuna with amused baby blue eyes. The man is even taller than Reborn, dressed in army camouflage, and the sun lights up his blonde hair like a halo.

" _You poor son of a bitch,"_  the man chuckles, definitely not angelic.  _"Did he kidnap you? Is your ankle chained to the floor back there?"_

Reborn has been teaching Tsuna Italian lately. Tsuna is trying with his studies, really he is, but the customer is making no sense at all.

" _Excuse me,"_  Tsuna tries.  _"Reborn – owner. Not here."_

" _You don't even speak Italian!"_ The blond braces himself against the display with one hand because he's laughing too hard.

Tsuna understands that one!  _"I speak small Italian,"_  Tsuna confirms.  _"Just Japanese."_

The customer is wheezing, shoulders trembling as his head hangs down.

Reborn steps through the door and frowns. "Get out, Colonnello."

Colonnello manages to straighten up. "Why the hell do you have a little Japanese maid?"

"He's an employee," Reborn corrects.

"Why the hell do you need an employee?" Colonnello cries, incredulous. "This is where you keep your coffee stuff because you ran out of room in your house. Don't tell me you're actually selling it – I'm not stupid enough to believe that."

"Of course I'm not selling it," Reborn scoffs, moving around to sit at his chair.

"You pay him to do nothing?" Colonnello drops down opposite Reborn.

"He keeps the beans company, so they taste like friendship."

"Are you still hiring? Because I'd be up for that."

Tsuna walks over to the table after grabbing a tray from the back room and piling it up. He sets the baked goodies down on the table between the two and then retreats again.

Colonnello jabs a finger at Tsuna. "Look. What do you mean he's not a maid?"

* * *

A week goes by and another man enters the café. Tsuna scrambles up in effort to present himself well and then pulls out the laminated cheat sheet Reborn gave him after Colonnello's visit.

The customer looks Chinese, with a long braid of black hair draped over his shoulder. He's dressed in white pants and a long red tunic with wide sleeves in a very traditional style. Strangely enough, the man's face scares Tsuna for reasons that Tsuna can't quite put his finger on.

"Hello," the customer says softly with a serene smile. "You must be Reborn's…employee. You speak Japanese, correct?"

"Um, y-yes," Tsuna stutters. "Nice to meet you-" Tsuna glances down at the cheat sheet. "-Fon?"

Fon's smile grows when he reads the sheet in Tsuna's hands. "That's a…nice chart you have there."

"Reborn gave it to me," Tsuna admits. "I'm supposed to not let anyone on this sheet inside."

"Pretend I broke in," Fon offers kindly.

Tsuna smiles. "Reborn's not here right now but he'll be back in a few minutes. Can I get you anything to drink?"

Fon raises a sceptical eyebrow. "Coffee?"

"I'm not allowed to touch his coffee."

"Ah, that makes more sense," Fon murmurs. "You wouldn't happen to have tea, would you?"

Tsuna pulls out another cheat sheet and finds the section with Reborn's neat handwriting, titled 'Tea'. Tsuna clears his throat nervously before reading it out. "We do not serve your disgusting drink here. Please vacate the premises, your heathen ways will not be tolerated in this coffee temple."

Fon raises a large sleeve to his mouth in effort to suppress the laughter. "Water will be fine, thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> Other story lines within this one:
> 
> 1\. Tsuna realises Reborn is a legitimate hitman when someone kidnaps the poor teenager for blackmail.
> 
> 2\. The blackmail is actually to threaten Iemitsu. Reborn gets himself accidentally involved because he tracks down his missing employee for lunch and then discovers the kidnapping.
> 
> 3\. Iemitsu also learns that Tsuna is working for Reborn at this point in time, which means he thinks Reborn is the one holding Tsuna captive. It's a huge clusterfuck – would have been really entertaining if I could be bothered to write it (have I mentioned all these snippets are up for adoption?).
> 
> 4\. Kyouya visits Fon one day and Tsuna suffers for leaving Namimori high school without express permission.
> 
> 5\. Hayato runs into the café at one point, hiding from people he threw explosives at, and connects with Tsuna instantly. Reborn gets a second employee for his coffee storage. He eventually collects all the tenth gen teenagers as his staff because he thinks it's funny.
> 
> 6\. Enough high-profile people go in and out that other mafioso think it's a coffee shop, plus Tsuna sells his baked goodies to them, which then lures more people.
> 
> 7\. Reborn gets upset that his place is being overrun and fires all his staff before locking it up. Iemitsu also sends Tsuna back to Japan to keep him safe from the hitman.
> 
> 8\. Tsuna graduates in Japan, goes back to Italy, opens his own damn coffee shop, collects all of his friends back, and then bribes Reborn into dating him with excellent barista skills. (Tsuna might not be the Decimo but he's still a BOSS.)


End file.
